Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

A big part of achieving ultimate success with women you truly desire comes from understanding of the concept of “frames”; the overall guidelines through which you present everything else you do.

I truly believe that understanding how to fit all of your thoughts, actions, responses and ideas with women into the right frame…the frame of NEVER supplicating, begging or “asking”, but instead, offering challenges, structuring opportunities and eliciting/evoking processes is the single most important key to making every other aspect of your success with women at least three to four times more effective and powerful.

A student asked me this question:

> Is a frame just anything that can make people see things differently? So how do you CONTROL the frame under those circumstances?
>
> Essentially, the idea is you are supposed to hold a given point of view – “I’m testing to see if I can find someone who measures up to my standards”. Sure, that makes sense. But it still doesn’t leave me feeling like I understand the whole process. It is doesn’t leave me feeling like I could create a different frame for a different circumstance.

RJ here.  The frame, among other things, is the underlying, UNSPOKEN set of assumptions about WHO holds the power, WHO has what is of value, WHO must please WHOM.

Let’s chunk this down.

She says something like, “I just can’t find a guy who can treat me like a lady”.

An AFC would ask what she means and then act as she describes. She has set the frame that SHE is the prize who must be one.

We Speed Seduction® Masters turn it around, “Yeah, I know what you mean. I can’t find a lady who can move me past LUST into TRUE passion…you know…where you aren’t just feeling hot and sticky in the moment..you don’t just give all that you have…but you find things coming forth in you that you never knew were there…just waiting to be satisfied.”

You see what I mean? That’s just one example.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Want to learn how to present in a way that is much more receivable to the feminine psyche and mind…receivable in a way that just lets it slide right in…deep into the place where her wildest fantasies spring to life and action, with you?  Get my Frame Control and Sexual Themes course and claim your 16+ hours of teaching on this topic now.

Dear Speed Seduction(R) Student,

The other day, someone left this comment on my blog as well as emailing it to me.  I am going to reproduce it here for you to read and quite frankly do nothing other than ask you: what would YOU tell him?

I’d really like to encourage your participation here, so the person who leaves the best comment gets a 1/2 free Skype consult with me-winner to be announced on the blog.  Here is his post; please read and answer him as best YOU can:

Hey Ross,

I have to say this is all really great stuff! I have been following your lessons (at least these updates and the older stuff I was able to get for free through link provided with the “Up To Speed with Speed Seduction” video series) for quite some time now- since the end of last Fall. However I can’t really seem to integrate any of this into my approaches to women very easily, and I can’t afford to buy any of your “premium” stuff (I’m a broke college student)…

I feel like I should be much better with women than I am- I’m smart, good-looking (women tell me this all the time, even though they say they’re not attracted to me), and fairly successful (I go to an Ivy League school and do pretty well academically). But I feel like a total failure with women- I’m 21 and I’ve never even had my first kiss! Girls my age have always told me they “don’t like my like that” (romantically/sexually), and it’s really caused some problems with my life. A while back, one girl even actually thought I was suicidal because I seemed so upset/depressed about this stuff, and caused some considerable trouble for me by reporting that concern to the authorities! (suicide on campus has been a really big issue here lately, after a recent string of successful student suicides)

I really need some kind of turn-around with my romantic/sexual life!

I know I’m capable of being really good with women because two or three times in my life something has just “clicked” in my head and for a brief moment I was really good at flirting with women- one time this got me a date with a really hot, smart, popular girl when I was in high school that I ended up having to miss because I ended up stuck on a car en route to Vermont with a dead cell phone (she ended up thinking I had stood her up, and spread word through the rest of the high school- killing any remaining chance I had of getting a date while in high school) Another time, here in college, I got a girl not-so-subtly inviting herself back to my place (for a hook-up), but I actually didn’t recognize what she was doing until it was too late and I said something really stupid that was a huge turn-off (she was really cold to me from then on and never brought up what had happened). So I know it’s possible for me to get the kind of results I want with women, or something even better! But I just can’t seem to do it and it’s destroying my life bit by bit…

I know I do a lot of stuff wrong with women, but I just don’t know how to go about fixing any of it… I know I also do some stuff very right with women, but it’s much harder for me to pick out what those things are… I’ve gotten really desperate to try and find something that works for me, and I’ve tried everything. I even created a profile on several dating websites (my profile on OK Cupid is Northstar1989 if anyone wants to take a look at how I present myself to the world and see what I do wrong…), but NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING seems to work for me….

Please help me Ross. If there’s anything you can do, any advice you could give me, I’d really appreciate it.

Regards,
Blake

P.S. I’ll also ‘CC this to the e-mail address I have for you from the Up to Speed videos, rj@seduction.com ,in case you don’t notice this comment.

Dear Speed Seduction® Students And Fans,

There’s a big argument/debate on whether you can ever be “kind” to women.

Could she view this as a sign of strength (you are confident enough that you present yourself from a place of kindness and warmth) or weakness (that it makes you a pushover, an AFC, or worse)?

My answer:

Uh uh uh…depends Depends. Depends.

If it reeks of need or pressure (aka desperate supplication or other AFC behaviors), they don’t want it.

If it’s freely given or given from a place of abundance AND you have established authority and respect, it’s usually a-ok.

Most unappreciated “kindness” is unappreciated because:

1. You didn’t establish respect/authority or get any investment from her in the interaction/transaction BEFORE the kindness.
2. She’s a twist and just doesn’t trust any kindness. Ok. They are out there. Best to run away or play the villain only a VERY short while. But aware, please: if you stare into the abyss to get your cues and clues on how to respond and behave, the abyss also stares long and hard into you. And what it gazes at it molds and shapes. So don’t look long. You can glance briefly at the sun but I wouldn’t look too long nor make a habit of it. Get my metaphor?
3. It wasn’t really kindness but need or pressure.
4. She’s a super-twist and not only doesn’t trust kindness, she WANTS to be punished. Run, RUN, R-U-N away.
5. She doesn’t like the psychological pressure of having to live up to the ideal you think of her as; putting her on a pedestal gives her cramps, a nosebleed and a nasty migraine, so she kicks you in the face as she steps off to be human.
6. You are giving her the kindness you THINK she wants or that you enjoy giving and not what the kindness she really needs. If she craves physical affection and you buy her gifts it isn’t her fault that you aren’t paying attention.

Given the right context and a reasonably ok psyche (and it isn’t that rare) most women will soak up appropriate, NON NEEDY, NON PUSHY kindness.

Some are twists.

Some just crave excitement and drama and dominance more than the cuddlies, wuddlies and warm fuzzies.

The most confusing ones crave one over the other depending on their mood of the day or time of the month.

So, women, any given woman, are/is as unpredictable as each is unique in her own way, but there are some ground rules that always apply.

1. Screen your woman.
2. Establish boundaries, self-respect/authority in her world.
3. Those who require punishment or who never trust kindness need to be left behind.
4. Get a good initial read, if you can, on whether they more strongly prefer excitement, drama and being dominated to being cared for and looked after, or in what proportion they want each. I prefer a woman who is a good mix of both; if she doesn’t like excitement she’s probably a lousy fuck. If she can’t take kindness, then I can’t open my heart to her and the sex becomes nothing more than an energy dump; fun,but numbing and draining.

Hint: Learn to read the chakra at the hara or t’an t’ien. which relates to power and will issues and you will get an idea of where they are at. And EXPECT the unexpected because with women, it IS going to happen.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Did you guys like this advice? Lots more where this comes from at my 3-day seminars.  Click here to get the full story, schedule of dates and towns, and book your seat (you can bring a friend for free, too).

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

2011 is right around the corner.

As the year edges towards a close and a New(Nude) Year approaches, I’ve been thinking about the most common “game errors”  I  have seen over the past year, and over the past 20 years of my teaching and coaching.

Many of these are quite subtle and act quite hypnotically.

That is, they are:

1. Out of conscious awareness. Guys are doing them, but they aren’t aware they are doing them because they are so much of the operating code/routine/sub-routines of the guy’s consciousness.  They build his worldview and become what he views the world “through”. As such, they have a powerful lock on thinking and choice.

2. They have a momentum of their own.  I like to use the term “cognitive” momentum and emotional inertia. Meaning that these ways of thinking, acting and responding have been going on for so long and for so many repetitions, they take on a life of their own.

3. Finally, it is an odd quirk of human nature that when something doesn’t work, we tend to do it more, or harder or louder.  Which only adds to the momentum of the less than useful pattern.

That said, here is the A-Z of failure with women. See if you can’t pick out which of these is operating in your mind/life/actions and make a determination to “de-bug” yourself in 2011.

A, Having the wrong set of ideas about female sexuality.  Assuming women need love or a relationship or even a “date” to really want/crave/enjoy sex.

B. Having no standards other than physical appearance. As I’ve said before the man who knows how to screen out the wrong kind of women will wind up having a lot more choices, not a lot less.  This takes some thinking through.

C. Having emotional traumas around sex that you need to resolve.

D. Not having a good rehearsal practice to get you in state before you sarge.

E. Not having a good review strategy to extract maximum learning after each sarge.

F. Having the incorrect ratio of thinking to acting.  Conceptual understanding is very important, yes.  But ultimately you learn most and best from also having interaction with real women in the real world.  (Until you’ve tried something, anything, at least 10 times, you don’t even begin to have good data points!)

G. Being invested in the girl, but only interested in the skills. REVERSE THIS!

H. Having an orientation that focuses on what you did incorrectly and making the mistake about your identity, rather than your behavior.  As in, “I always fuck up”.  ”I AM a fuck up”.  Dis-identify with the mistake and extract the lesson. This is harder than it sounds.

I. Related to H, thinking that your poor results are about “who” you are.  Or “because” you are: bald, fat, ugly, old, skinny, too young, etc.  This false “cause and effect” thinking is a killer to breakout success. KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!

J. Crushing on a girl/one-itis. Do I have to explain this?

K. Trying to “figure out” girls who are wasting your time. If you find yourself asking, “Why isn’t she calling back?”  or  ”Why can’t I get her on the phone now?” you are taking on a “ruminating” state of mind. Stop it. Take action of some kind or put her out of her mind.

L. Needing female validation.

M. Not spotting the signs she is interested.

N. Failing to escalate physically.

O. Taking a woman’s first response at face value or set in stone.

P. Thinking any woman is “out of your league”.  Bullshit.

Q. Being in a hurry as opposed to being quick. Quick is fantastic. Hurry is disaster.

R. Being horny instead of being sexual.

S. Hiding your intent. Pretending you just want to be friends when you want a piece of her ass.

T. Seeing what you want to see in the woman rather than what she actually presents. Idealizing her in any way.

U. Failing to demonstrate that you are willing to walk away.

V. Failing to challenge her/call her on her bullshit.

X. Failing to set the frame as being a sexual one; letting her cast in the role of “advisor”.

Y. Not being able to see and respond to the actual emotional need she is expressing as contrasted with her literal words.

Z. Sticking with one vibe-funny, commanding, understanding her world, vulnerable-instead of varying it up and demonstrating/offering each at different times.

There you have it.  If you have any of these, make a determination that 2010 spells the end of it and 2011 is the start of something way, way better.

Peace, piece and I love teaching,

RJ

Dear Speed Seduction® Students And Fans,

Let’s say you’re out and about and walk-up to a hottie and really hit it off.  Or, you’re at a party and your host’s best friend is an HB10++++ and she smiles just right while hanging on your every word.

For s$%@s and giggles, maybe you’re online and chat with a woman, seeing her on “cam” verifies she actually IS hot, and she’s just so flirty and cute and 10 minutes from you and agreeing to meet you, in the succulent flesh, firm booty and huge tits and all, for coffee the next day.

All of these scenarios make you feel good.  Hey, nothing suck-seeds like suck-sess, and few things crank up the dial on a sunny day like a beautiful woman’s smile when it’s meant for you.

Problem, though.

You start to feel a new state coming on…then it erupts within you like a volcano.  Next thing, you associate her sexy eyes and twinkling smile and the way she says “babe” in her awww-shucks way…

… and are consumed by RAGING LUST, DESIRE, AND HORNINESS that obliterates any and all other feelings or senses.

Clearly, this is NOT a good state to come from when approaching women.  You end up getting invested in the result of bedding HER (rather than “interested in the woman” and “invested in sharpening your skills”) but, nevertheless, there it is.  BAM.  Your girl-getting game and experience goes out the window and it’s a very, very short ride to AFC-Ville.

How Do You Put Carnal Desire In Its Place So You Get Her Back To YOUR Place?

You realize it.  You need to get yourself into a calm, centered, powerful, playful, exploratory place, or the only good those desires will do you will be to give Jimmy a fighting chance in the hand-to-hand wrestling match you’ll have in about an hour while thinking about her.

Yet at the same time, you want to USE and CHANNEL that energy that arises from this “desire states” to HELP you get the results you want.

Here’s a quick exercise you can do, at that moment, to get these desires working FOR you, instead of just working you.  (NOTE: this requires a certain level of self-awareness and if that’s an area where you need changework, you want to check out Nail Your Inner Game).

1. Ground into your feet. Bend your knees slightly and feel your feet pressing into your shoes and the ground pressing back up through your shoes/feet
2. Tune into the lustful feelings and see if you can find the edge or border where they fade out into almost disappearing. Then hold your attention on the very border/edge of the feelings, just before they disappear. That will help.

Think about it.  Your mind full of raging lust, desire, and horniness…. or HER full of raging lust, desire, and horniness as she presses her succulent body, firm booty and huge tits and all, up against you?

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Understanding how to fit all of your thoughts, actions, responses and ideas with women into the right frame – the frame of NEVER supplicating, begging or “asking”, but instead, offering challenges, structuring opportunities and eliciting/evoking processes is the single most important key to getting at least three to four times more women.  Learn more about this right here.

Dear Speed Seduction® Students,

One of the biggest discussions in the “PUA” community is about being “Alpha” or “dominant”.

As I’ve said before, when you are seeking answers from “experts” beware of answers that are half true or incomplete.

In this video, I go into what it means to be dominant, as contrasted with abusive or domineering. Also take note of the responses of the female volunteer and notice how I am very subtle in my dominance.

Watch the video then tell me what you think:

demodominanceblogpost

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. If you missed the NYC Seminar, you have a chance to join us in London on August 13-15.  Can you make it?  Click here to learn more.

P.P.S. With what I teach you throughout my Speed Seduction® 3.0 System, you’ll remain calmly in control as the effortless seduction architect of every interaction and situation.

It will give YOU all the confidence of a man who maintains control and exudes a dominance that women find appealing.

Claim yours and take charge of your girl-getting game today!

Dear Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training,

All human beings experience a fair amount of self-doubt from time to time.  Especially when it comes to approaching women.

Ever found yourself ten feet away from a chick who was the best looking babe you’d seen all year (or at least all week), there all by herself in the cafe reading a book, looking like she’d probably like it (or at least wouldn’t slap you silly) if you went up to her right now. 

But you don’t do it.

Instead, you have this endless, pointless conversation in your head and find any excuse to avoid putting yourself out there.

Eventually she pays the check, closes the book, and walks out. 

Whew – at least you didn’t get rejected. By her at least.  You just want to…

…Tell Your Doubting Voice To “Shut Up Already”
So You Can Get Some Action

Here’s the difference between a Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training (MIT) vs. the Average Frustrated Chump (AFCs): the MIT has learned to recognize when the “doubt delay dialogue” is happening (or about to happen), and stops those feelings dead in their tracks.

How do YOU Get this?

You see, developing a “monitoring” state or awareness that checks in and recognizes when you are beginning to have less than useful responses; THIS awareness is a great gift. It’s quite magickal.

You see, NO ONE is in a good state ALL the time. That’s not what we want to aim at.

What we DO want to aim at is knowing our own unique patterns of thinking, feeling, acting and being able to recognize quickly when we are going in a less than useful way; interrupt it effectively, and get back on track.

This skill isn’t very sexy; it’s not like being able to levitate, turn invisible or walk through a wall. But it is very, VERY powerful.

I’ll tell you what IS sexy: the results.  It’s sexy when she puts that book aside and turns to you, and you use the vibe as a down payment for an all-expenses-paid-for-two journey on the Cape Carnal-Veral Shuttle.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Quieting the rancor of self-doubt is based on a belief: that your feelings and thoughts and responses CAN be put in your awareness and CAN be brought under a good measure of direction and control. And it’s based on a value that doing so is VALUABLE, even necessary.  Click here to learn what gets you this awareness and control…

Hey Speed Seduction® Students and Fans,

Want to know one of the major reasons why so many guys just absolutely CRUSH IT in business, life, and their pursuit of happiness, EXCEPT when it comes to mastery and mega-success with the ladies?

HINT: It’s all around you.

Watch this video (from one of my recent seminars) and tell me what you think:

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. What else has you “stuck” when it comes to your girl-getting game, whether you may realize it or not?  Want to find out?  Then you need to check out my Nail Your Inner Game course.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

Recently, a student of mine asked me what to do when dealing with women who knew him before he became a Speed Seduction® Master.  In other words, back when he was an Average Frustrated Chump (AFC) who got in his own way when it came to succeeding with women.

Now that he’s speaking to them in ways that capture and excite their deepest emotions, aren’t they going to feel strange when they compare it to how he used to act with them? How they used to feel around him?

I immediately asked him,

“If you suddenly won the Euro Lottery and went from having no money
to having $500 million, would you worry about how other people adjusted to it?
Would they have a problem adjusting to it?”

I don’t think so.

In the same vein, how you present yourself to the world now is what matters most. Who you create yourself to be and how you communicate through that is infinitely more important than how others used to see you and even how you used to see yourself.

Remember, you alone control the vibe you put out to the world. Do this, and that hot chick from college who shot you down as an Average Frustrated Chump will quickly learn to see you as an Amazing Fascinating Champ.

I’ve been both. And I can tell you Amazing Fascinating Champ feels a whole hell of a lot better.

Peace and piece,

RJ

P.S.  Remember, it’s not about who you were then.  It’s about who you design yourself to be right now. All of this is completely under your control. Find out how here.