Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

Another aspect of showing up attractive is learning to develop a good relationship to uncertainty, anxiety, and not knowing what the fuck is going to happen.

Many guys come to me wanting “confidence” with women. But what they are really saying is they want what I call “performance confidence”.

What is “performance confidence”?  That’s easy to explain.

If you’ve done something very well 5,000 times, it is reasonable to expect you will do well on the 5,001st attempt.

The challenge for many guys in this game is that they want the performance confidence, PRIOR to doing any performing.

So they wind up never performing, never being confident and never getting any real world skill.

Or any moist pink relief either.

Love Your Anxiety As You Love Yourself, And Soon You Will Be Loving Your Neighbor’s Wife Too!

The solution I’ve found that works best is to reshape a student’s definition of “confidence” into what I will define here as “acceptance confidence”.

Acceptance  confidence has the following components:

1. The skill of being present with the raw, physical sensations of anxiety, without fighting them, resisting them or trying to make them change or go away, but also and equally without feeding them by telling yourself that your anxious feelings mean you are going to fail or it is time to run away.  Don’t feed, don’t fight AND don’t flee!

(Let me just add that very few humans can be present with raw physical sensations like this. It takes training and practice. But it opens up some wonderful choices in life that few people will ever experience and that alone makes you very, very attractive on some interesting and non-verbal levels. More about this later)

2. The skill of deciding what you are going to do, once you experience the anxiety, without fighting or feeding or fleeing.  It basically comes down to a simple acknowledgment of what is going on and then a choice . As in, “I don’t know what is going to happen with this girl, I don’t like that I don’t know, and let’s go talk to her, have some fun, and find out what she is like!”

3. A deep realization about the meaning  and information content of “anxiety”.   Your experience of internal anxiety has zero information value about what will happen with that girl you’d like to meet. It is not a sign you are about to fail or be humiliated in the world. It has no information value about anything happening outside of your own skin. It is only a sign of an internal neurological event.

4. Finally, taking on some powerful beliefs and attitudes about learning.   Since I’m such an awesome teacher, here are the main ones:

A. I will either enjoy getting what I want, or enjoying learning what I need to get what I want or better.

B. I can, will and do decide what I learn from each and every event, choice, action and situation.

C. When I don’t know what to do, I take a bold step forward.

D. When I don’t know what to do, I make the choice and take the action that moves me even closer to the kind of person I am already more and more becoming

Once a student has mastered, in action, the essentials of acceptance confidence, then and only then is he ready to take on rehearsal confidence, another key component of showing up attractive. And I’ll probably talk about that in the next post.

Your comments and feedback are essential to this series continuing. So please post them below!

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. If enjoying damn near ridiculous levels of success, satisfaction and pleasure with the most amazing women around is something you are highly interested in, then clicking here could be one of the best things you’ve ever done.  You owe it to yourself to check it out.

Dear Speed Seduction® Students And Fans,

I’ve had several students ask me why the following happens:

You’ve connected with a woman and brought her to “that place” where she is ready to “go for it.” It started with her giving you a curious “uhhhh, can I help you?” glance when you first approached her, and in less time than you thought, she’s now naked and on your bed and…yes…it’s on.

Just NOW, for some reason, Private Wood stops standing at attention.  He slouches on the job and can’t get back up.  Even when she goes into “drill instructor mode” (don’t you love when she gets all dominatrix-like?), your Johnson insists on tripping you up.

HOWEVER…you don’t THINK it’s erectile dysfunction: after all, normally things are “functioning” correctly.  You don’t have a problem “enjoying” fantasies or your favorite porno.  You can close the deal with Rosie and her sisters on a moment’s notice, every time.  So overall, you believe the machinery works.

“It” seems to happen ONLY when you’re actually boarding the Cape Carnal-Veral Shuttle with a live woman.

Let me get it out of the way: see your doctor anyway.  Every day of “I really SHOULD see a doctor” is 1,440 minutes of self-imposed flaccidity that might not have to be.  It’s YOUR life, only you can live it.

Now that we have that out of the way (made that appointment yet?), let me ask you three questions.

1. Think back to your feelings when Private Wood went AWOL.  What came up for you? Nervousness?  Fear?  Worry you might not “stand up” in the ranks of her previous lovers?  Something in your head saying “I shouldn’t be doing this?”
2. When it happened, how did you react? Did you give up?  Seek her support in getting things back on track?  Switch to pleasing her for a while until things started “looking up” for you?
3. How did SHE react? Did she throw you out (or get up and leave)?  Or did she say, with a sly grin and a cute gleam in her eye, “Hmmm, seems the ol’ hard drive is booting up a little slow.  Where’s the CD-ROM for this, so we can stick it in and get it spinning?”

It’s called “performance anxiety” because you’re anxious, not because you’re a bad person or something’s necessarily wrong with you.  (Though you still need to check with your doc – got that appointment booked?  The receptionist and/or the nurse, not to mention the doctor herself, might be sizzling hot and looking for a man like you.)

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Need the mechanism that brings up whatever it is that’s keeping you down?  For the best, most systematic, fool proof, breakthrough system that untangles the confusion and “re-infection” that keeps guys at an very underachieving level, click here to start finding your way to full-strength.

Dear Speed Seduction® Students,

The overwhelming majority of you have responded by saying you want me to discuss my discoveries and thoughts regarding showing up attractive.

So here we go with that part of the discussion. I’ll be posting videos as well as written articles and I encourage your feedback.  As in my live events, the more you participate the more you receive from me.

Getting Out Of Your Own Way

Over the years, I’ve noticed that guys who come to this work are significantly getting in their own way by reinfecting and reinforcing  the very patterns of thinking and acting  that have been keeping them stuck. As by I’ve said, it’s very difficult to free yourself from your prison when you are consistently re-creating the prison from moment to moment.

Rumination, Rehearsal And Ruins

Whenever I give a talk or teach a seminar, one of the first questions I ask is: “How many here dwell on their mistakes with women? Raise your hand if you spend a lot of time running your mistakes or disappointments over and over in your head.”

At least 70 percent of the room will raise their hand.  The other remaining 30% are either returning students who are doing very well with women thanks to studying and applying my material or they are too embarrassed to raise their hands.

The fact is that ruminating on mistakes, disappointments and fuck-ups is a very common human activity, and even more common for the men who are seeking massive improvement in their love and sex lives.

The next question I always ask is: how many here think they are doing this because they have “low self-esteem”?  Or a “fear of success”?  Or because Mommy made them stay down in the basement and dress like a girl?

There is, in fact, only one reason “why” you might dwell on your mistakes with women: you are trying to find a solution to the situation so you can do better and enjoy the results you want.

But here is the thing: if you could have figured it out that way, you would have done so by now.  That process just doesn’t work, no matter what kind of content you put through it.  No matter what you put in the refrigerator it is never going to be a toaster. That’s not its purpose, function or design.

Even Worse…

Here is the greater challenge: dwelling on mistakes, over and over, is actually a very effective way to virtually guarantee the mistake gets repeated.

The basic rule is this: there is no basic difference between what you dwell on, over and over again, and what you rehearse. And what you rehearse over and over again, is basically what you are programming your brain to do.

Which means this: the very act of dwelling and ruminating on mistakes almost certainly guarantees you will achieve the opposite of what you intend.  Rather than find a solution to the challenge, you will program back in the error.

There is far, far more to say about this.  But for now I’d like to invite your feedback on this.   Tell me what you think and if you think it is an accurate picture of one of the challenges you have faced or currently do face.

Peace and piece,

RJ

P.S. With an effective, sure way to learn from every situation, you will develop a “stealth charisma” that is subtly attractive, completely undetectable, and utterly independent of any external validation from anyone.  Click here to learn how, starting now…

Dear Speed Seduction® Students And Fans,

Want to have two chicks at the same time?

So many of my students either have, or want to, that I’m thinking of adding it to a “bucket list” of must-haves that every smart guy must experience at least once, if for no other reason than to know he “went there.”

Problem: many women won’t “go there.”

Why?  Oftentimes it’s societal “rules.” It breaks a taboo to engage in any sort of group sex, or anything other than one man and one woman doing it.  You’d think that the ticket booth at the Cape Carnal-Veral Shuttle only sells tickets in pairs.  Not true.

Sometimes, she’s skiddish.  Or afraid of unanticipated consequences.  Or maybe she really doesn’t want to touch another girl, and she isn’t sold on your “promises” that it will be her and her best friend working on you, but not each other.  Maybe she’s worried you’ll like her friend better (it could be a competition or ego thing).

The “Warming Question” That Breaks The Ice And Gets You Closer To The Triple Play

Now: the following is something I almost never just hand out.  So you’ll want to write this down, print it, bookmark this post, whatever the f@@k you have to do so you don’t lose it.  Ask this question:

“If you could go somewhere where no one knew who you were, and nothing you did would ever get back to anyone you did know, what kinds of experiences would you like to have, with what kind of person, with what kind of feelings?”

Then add:

I find when I LET THOSE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS run through YOUR MIND, it’s the kind of thing that let’s me realize that sometimes YOU WANT TO SUCK SEED in stripping away from every day life, now and again, and FEEL YOUR OPENING to something novel..some new..A NEW DIRECTION you can IMAGINE TAKING INSIDE.

Now…when you ask that question you will get the following kinds of responses:

1. A vivid response with a vivid description.
2. A vivid response with a non-vivid description. They just go inside, access the thoughts and the states. Often they blush or look embarrassed
3. A non-vivid response with a vivid description(they describe it vividly but for some reason they don’t access the feelings-this is most rare)
4. A confused response. They don’t get what you mean
5. A defensive response.

I’m looking for 1 & 2. 3 can be worked with as well. 4 is possible if they also show a willingness to understand. Forget 5.

Ever tried this (or something like it?)  How did it work out for you?  (Leave a comment below).  Or, go out and do it and then report back here how it went.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. You think that’s something?  That’s just a small taste of the level of girl-getting power and knowledge you’ll find in my Speed Seduction® 3.0 Course.  Click here to learn more!

Dear Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training,

A week or so ago, I posted this on my blog – a Sarge report from one of my longtime students who had met an HB8, had a few meetings in quick succession that led to an all-night makeout session… only to get a text from her the next morning in which she says they shouldn’t see each other anymore because she has a “borefriend.”

Said student read YOUR comments and thoughts and had a reaction along the lines of “DOH! What the f@@k was I thinking?!?!” and decided he’d give it another shot with her. Here’s what happened:

OK Ross, my gut told me to wait till the weekend to try contacting her, so that’s what I did. Meanwhile, on Thursday coincidentally and out of the blue she sent me a text that said “I’m so sorry, I actually don’t have a boyfriend. I wanted to see how you’d react if I did. I shouldn’t have done that.”

On Friday night I texted back “So which is it?” She followed up with basically a repeat of the above. So I called her Sunday (I deliberately dragged this out to build suspense) and she apologized profusely. I let her go on for a minute and then I said “Really, Debbie (not her real name of course), that totally threw me for a loop….I forgive you though.” We chatted for a bit. The plan is to get together this weekend coming up which is the next time our schedules match up. I’m heading over her place.

I’m not going to jump in head first. My other options still open (no “oneitis” here Ross). I’ll give her a mulligan on this one, but I’ll take this one step at a time. Give my thanks to everyone for their comments, especially the “constructive’ ones” I needed that!

You put into place the principle that a woman’s current reaction is rarely, if ever, her ‘final answer’. You remembered it a little late this time, but at least you remembered.  Next time you’ll remember sooner.

With all this suspense building, so long as you weren’t pining over her and agonizing on “what’s the right time to call” and “how long should I wait” and other dum-dum dating-game nonsense (sounds like that’s not an issue for you though).

Now let me aim the long, sharp needle at the balloon that is your ego.  SHE MIGHT NOT BE SINGLE.  Could be she has a boyfriend after all, but liked things with you so much she said what she needed to say to not lose you.  She might be getting ready to serve this guy his walking papers but wanting to interview other candidates first.  Or, maybe she just wants to f@@k around.

Before you come back all “woe is me” and “how did I let myself get suckered in” and all that rot, ask yourself – are ALL of these possibilities acceptable to YOU?

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Wouldn’t it be an awesome thing to know that anytime a challenging situation comes up with a woman, you have the tools and wisdom in place to objectively process, and handle, the situation so everything “works out”? Click here to get these tools, starting now.

Dear Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training,

Let me address the naysayers.  As some of you pointed out, by e-mailing or commenting the various student questions I’ve shared in this week’s “mail bag” series, the answers would SEEM simple.

I won’t quote a specific e-mail here, in this (the last installment of the “mail bag” series for now) because I’ve gotten a handful over the course of the year that say substantially the same thing – someone actually tried to call bullshit on me.  Yeah.  Really.

Now, in some of the cases we’ve studied this past week, there are a couple different ways the situation could have gone (like with the chick who told my student after-the-fact that she has a boyfriend).  But for seasoned, experienced students, the answers seemed, to some of you, almost Captain Obvious.  Yeah, I get that, except…

…There Are Some Additional Ingredients (Literally) Causing A Volatile Brew In Men’s Brains Right Now

Look: here in the States, a lot of energy is spent debating whether marijuana should be legalized.  FORGET Mary Jane for a minute… and let’s discuss the impact of consuming Debbie’s pu@@y, which is a much more potent and mind-altering substance than the grass-like stuff they also use to make paper, rope, and shirts.

Here is just a PARTIAL list of the chemicals that various scientific research studies show get released in your brain every time your ride in the Cape Carnal-Veral Shuttle reaches its destination: adrenaline (aka epinephrine), dopamine, endorphins, testosterone, oxytocin, serotonin, prolactin, norepinephrine, vasopressin, phenylethylamine, and the list goes on.  (Plus, don’t forget the impact of your ego when the hottest chick you’ve ever nailed tells you “wow, I’ve never actually SQUIRTED before…” as you hope you remembered to pick up the other set of bedsheets from the laundromat.)

These releases do everything from make you want to take a nap right after you finish, to causing a flare-up of Oneitis, and everything in between.  Over time they lead to the eventual transition in relationships where the passion seems to die off even while fondness and long-term attachment grows.

These are also the reasons why you’ll often find that “Exit, Stage Left” is suddenly easier-said-than-done even though it’s “obvious” you need to move on, and “intellectually” you GET it but you can’t seem to DO it.  When your friends starting singing in-chorus that “you can do a lot better than that tramp”, look to your brain for the reasons why you aren’t heeding their advice.

By the way, same thing when you wrestle with Jimmy while thinking about a chick you haven’t had sex with yet.  The chemicals still flow through your brain at the “peak” of your thoughts even though she’s not actually there, and now it’s associated with her every time you think about her or see her.  This leads to Oneitis, which more often than not leads to celibacy.

It’s also the reason why you find yourself highly attracted to women you see in real life who remind you of your favorite porn star (and why you like porn featuring chicks who look like women you really enjoyed f@@king, or want to f@@k but haven’t yet).

Pu@@y needs to be recognized as a controlled substance, I tell you. But even if it was, if getting some was wrong, I wouldn’t want to be right.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Now you know: part of why you might not always use your UPPER head when it comes to women is…due to what’s going on in your brain.  As a logical person who seeks the best life has to offer, doesn’t it make sense to acquire a greater understanding of women’s operating systems and “what’s going on” so you know the playing field and can score more? Click here to take the first step, right now.

Dear Speed Seduction® Students And Fans,

It’s an oft-told story…

Boy meets Girl in an “everyday” setting.

Girl smiles and giggles oh-so-cute and Boy sees the door open and beckoning.

Boy strikes up a little convo.  Girl’s answer to his innocent-yet-obviously-leading question (the one where he asks her out without actually f@@king ASKING) leaves him stumped even though it’s plain-as-daylight stuff.

Let’s hear from a student who felt like he just got “traded down to the minors” off such a seemingly innocent response:

The other day, I went to a local clothing store because I needed to pick up a couple things.  I was greeted by a cute, bubbly sales associate.  I said hi and bought a belt and a few other things (I was there for that in the first place).  I commented on her style, then I left.  But – as if opportunity was raining down from heaven, I had forgotten my cell phone, so I went back and said I lost it!

She asked for my number so we could call it and hear it ring.  Lo and behold, it fell off while I was trying on the belt and landed under a rack with fall jackets on it.  Heard it ring and picked it up.  Then I asked where she lived, and her name, and if she had plans for the evening.  She said she was going to relax at her place.

I didn’t know what to say, so I left (with her phone number, and her name). She seemed interested in me, and I was wondering what I could do to get in contact with her, and get her to meet me. Can you help me?

Let me start with the Captain Obvious answer: call her and and f@@king ask her out.

Don’t try to figure out if she really seemed interested… or just being all cute and flirty to loosen up your wallet by tightening up your Johnson (something that, uh, RARELY happens in the real world and is, uh, NEVER done on purpose).  Besides, your memory of actual events is probably distorted by now over hot you think she is… and how hot you wish, hope, and pray she was FOR YOU.

But think about what you’re asking her (or the next woman, when you go back for cuff links):

You asked where she lived (which DOESN’T MATTER until you go back to her place for some EEE-RRR-EEE-RRR), her name (was she wearing a nametag, as a sales associate in a retail store?), and what she was doing tonight (other than breathing and eventually sleeping?)

Were THESE the questions she was being called upon to answer while sidelined from making money so she can pay her rent?  What did her responses tell you about her “vibe” and what inspires her, so you could use it to anchor her emotions and get her excited and irresistibly aroused at-will?

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Sick and tired of letting opportunities with sexy, beautiful women pass right by while you sit there virtually paralyzed not knowing exactly what to do or say to close the deal with them?  The solutions to such quandries can be found right here.

Dear Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training,

I don’t know about you, but I’m really enjoying this week’s “mail bag” series.

I don’t get a chance to do these very often, and I’ll be blunt: this is only a smattering of the girl-getting wisdom and teaching that you’ll find inside my Coaching Program.  You should really check it out.

In today’s installment, let’s look at a student who seems to be “stuck” on some chick and he’s trying to fix some real or purported “damage”…

I’m not old, fat, or ugly. I’m a student and lead singer of a band. I never had a problem getting girls, BUT the one girl I do want is more confusing than anything – and I’m at my wits end.

I’ve been on and off with her for three years and initially she was always ready to please sexually and otherwise – she claims I hurt her and now she is “emotionally damaged” … has no interest in sex and refuses to do anything sexual at all. I would like to seal the deal and be monogamous with this one girl but cannot because of the sexual issues. I’ve tried talking about it, being nice, yelling, threatening, all to no avail. She has random bursts of sexual interest but this stops short of actual intercourse.  Considering there are quite a few other girls willing to fulfill my needs it’s getting more and more difficult to stay faithful. I want a healthy, functioning sexual relationship again.

You say it’s getting more difficult to stay faithful?  To WHAT? Did I miss the part where you said she is currently your girlfriend and you and her are building a life TOGETHER?  She claims you hurt her and emotionally damaged her, and at random intervals she’ll show “some” interest but you never actually board the Cape Carnal-Veral Shuttle.  And you have other women wanting to fulfill your needs.  Consider this:

• Whether you did or didn’t really “emotionally damage” her, you need to figure out why that has you revolving your whole life around trying to “fix” it.  What, within you, is holding you back from resolving this for YOURSELF?
• Even if you COULD fix whatever damage was done, you can’t do it with her unless you fix it WITHIN YOU first.
• What, inside you, compels you to feel the need to “fix” her at expense of your own emotional power?  (It’s written between the lines.)
• That being said…dude…you’re a rock star with women pining for you.  Maybe you’re not picking the ripest cherries from this bushel because of the unresolved issues (within yourself) behind Door Number One?

All the more reason to get clear with YOURSELF.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. If I had a dollar for every student who actually did screw up with a chick he was really into and beat himself up over it, I’d be living on a yacht with Tabbatha Jean and Tazzleberry Marie, on a 12-month (instead of 3-week) Speed Seduction® 3.0 Live Tour.  There’s a way past it, but it doesn’t have anything to do with HER.  Click here to see what I mean.

Dear Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training,

The easiest thing you can possibly do is sit on your ass and let things go on as they are.  Yeah, you might have a miserable life, out of shape, bad health, need a haircut really bad, no women, no nookie, no Giggity Giggity Goo.

But there’s no risk.  You can be certain (unless there’s a blackout) the boob tube will keep you company when you sit alone on the couch watching late-night TV.

Now, if you choose to “rock the boat” by taking drastic measures such as updating your wardrobe, getting a haircut, hitting the gym (to feel good about yourself), and getting yourself in circulation so people can see the gifts you offer to the world…that’s downright scary.  What if it doesn’t work?  What if your friends (or even family members) make fun of you?  What if the women you Sarge on dust you off with a dismissive hand gesture?

Case in point: one of your fellow readers on this blog, who is now working his way toward girl-getting mastery:

I am still in the “trying” phases and haven’t got laid yet – what could I possibly be doing wrong?  Also, when a girl doesn’t respond when I use the patterns (such as “have you ever…”, the Twin Brothers, etc.), how can I handle the discouragement I feel in me after that?

And finally Ross, which is the fastest way to learn Speed Seduction® via home study?

First of all, congratulations on your decision to “step up” and claim results with the women you really want.  Who said you’re doing anything wrong?

I have to ask, though  (just to be sure): are you reciting the patterns verbatim?  And if you’re not, could it be that you sound like you are, like you rehearsed the lines?  She’s not going to respond to that, because it’s not YOU she’s experiencing.

Now, I don’t think you’re going up to women reading the patterns off cue cards, but I’ve had students who DID.  One of them got laid.  With the cue cards. His secret?  He applied the lessons of Speed Seduction® to that SPECIFIC situation with that SPECIFIC woman.  He used the cue cards to make her laugh and open her up… then he took it naturally from there.

Handling discouragement?  Well, when something bad happens, AND when something good happens, I repeat as necessary:

Show me better, show me more, show me more, show me better, now!

That galvanizes me to go get more chicks.  If I “strike out”, there’s always tomorrow (or even 5 minutes from now).  Even if the one I just met is a straight up fox, now that I’ve had her, I want one even hotter.

Keep Sarging. You have me, and the entire community, on your side and in your corner.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. The fastest way to learn Speed Seduction® via home study is, of course, my home study course called Speed Seduction® 3.0.  It’s like having me, Ross Jeffries, on tap, 24/7, whenever you need me.  Click here to learn more.

Dear Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training,

Join me as I once again reach into my mail bag and pull out another excellent question that was e-mailed to me by one of my best students, someone who has invested in my courses and who regularly follows the Steaming Hot Seduction Secrets.

This one deals with an issue that often comes up: what happens when you call or e-mail or text and leave a message and you don’t hear back from her. Here’s the question:

I normally don’t have problems getting girls, but I recently moved to a new city. I met a local girl who works at the pub just around the corner. She expressed great interest in me, giving me her number (without me asking) and even asking ME out on a date. On this date, she invited me to her place to order take out and watch movies. The conversation was great, and by the end of the night I even gave her a back rub. She gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before I left, also expressing interest in making another date very soon.

The next day I texted her, just asking how see was doing, she responded by saying she was great, and asked me how I was. I responded by saying I had an awesome day, and left it at that. So I gave it two days before I messaged again, with a short text “What’s going on?”  It’s been three days, and I haven’t heard back. I would greatly appreciate your insight on this, and what I should do from here?

Alright, a few key points here:

First, foremost, important-most, and uppermost: maybe she was at a concert or something when you texted her, wasn’t able to answer, and got sidetracked.  Are you persistent, much? And what’s up with texting?  If you can text her, you have her phone number.  Give her a call.

Here’s the even bigger question: when she expressed interest in setting up another meet very soon, what stopped you from setting up the date and time, THEN AND THERE?  Why did you wait?  You know what they say about guys who wait.

You might also want to check this out, since you’re “new in town.”

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Imagine how great your life will be when you know, with 100% certainty that whenever you see a beautiful woman, anytime, any place, that you know exactly what to do to approach her, get her attracted to you, and seduce her!  Click here to make this happen, starting now.

P.P.S. Even experienced students (like this one) find they need additional, ongoing support from time to time.  EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT.  When you click the link above, you’ll also see a chance to get me fast, get me good, and get me live, and try it out for just $1 USD for the first 30 days.