Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

The other night I was hanging out with the Swedish  ex-room mate of my Swedish ex-girlfriend.

Let’s call this gorgeous, 5 foot 10,  25 year old, buxom Swedish lass, “Inge”.

Anyway, Inge and I were sitting over coffee at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Wilshire and 9th when we struck up a conversation with a Persian woman in her mid-thirties.

This lady was talking about a recent date with a guy who seemed so romantic and wonderful over dinner. But then, as soon as they got back to her place, he aggressively jumped on her.

She asked him to slow down a bit.  “This is going too fast,” she said she told him. “Can we slow down and talk a bit?  A woman needs a bit of talk first.”

This just pissed him off.  “We did our talking at the restaurant,” he said.   Then he got more aggressive.

When she insisted he slow down and talk, he got up and left!

This lady shook her head and said, “Doesn’t he understand? Women want to talk a bit first. I was ready for him but I wanted him to talk and make me feel a bit special.”

After we left the Bean, Inge said to me, “That woman was so full of shit, generalizing like that.  I’ve got lots of sexual confidence and if I want to fuck a guy enough to invite him back to my place, I’m perfectly fine with getting to the fucking!”

(Hey-do you still wonder why I love the Swedish people?)

Here is the point of the story:

1. While it’s often safe to have general rules to follow, every woman is different, and you have to calibrate to the unique woman in front of you. (And if you are anal enough to write to me about generalizing about Swedish women, fuck you very much.)
2. Almost never take a woman’s auto-pilot responses at face value. In the case of the Persian, her real emotional need was not to talk or to feel special, but rather, to feel comfortable letting go of control.

The guy took it personally and permanently, rather than saying something like, “Of course.  Let’s just do what we only both feel comfortable with. Why don’t you give me a little tour of your place?”

His next move?  After about half an hour of chat, to say, “I’ve got to make it an early evening. Can you walk me out?”

As soon as he gets to the door, turn around, pull her in, and kiss her passionately.

(By the way, I’m working on a new course on Effective Sexual Aggression And Creative Closing For The Former Nice Guy. Stay tuned for more, because I’ll be going into great depth about how to master this stuff.  It’s still a fundamental sticking point for too many guys).

I’d like to hear your comments on this subject and this post.

Peace, piece and hooray for Inge and her lovely countrywomen!

RJ

P.S. Speaking of all lovely things Scandinavian, two weekends from now (June 10-12) is our next 3-day seminar, located in Copenhagen, Denmark.  Claim your ticket to immerse yourself in 3-days of total Seduction mastery teaching by clicking here right now.

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

As I have said over and over, one of the major keys to living the life of your dreams is recognizing and getting off of the auto-pilot that keeps you single and lonely!

Remember, most people are walking around IN TRANCE. And even more importantly, the trances they walk around in… trances of fear… of limitation… of doubt of lack… really do not serve them!

Actually, these trances DO serve someone.

They serve the “power structure” that profits and feeds off of a society of weak, programmed, obedient and fearful robots, who will look to the “authorities” on how to live an “ok” life.

Getting Off Of The “Single And Lonely” Autopilot…
Now… Today!

One of the big pieces of getting off of autopilot and having real choice, is becoming aware of your fixed paterns of perception, response, action, etc.

To develop this “meta” awareness is a powerful tool to peel away old, trapped ways of thinking, acting and responding and believing. It makes it MUCH easier to move up ANY learning curve for any skill set.

You see, technical skill IS important. But many people offer fairly good models for technical skill (how to sell, how to seduce, how to get fit, etc) in different areas of life, yet few people get real changes or the huge leaps they want from following this advice.

Sometimes, the advice is lacking.

But just as often, even with good “advice” and good model for new technical skills, the person trying to follow this advice has a bigger problem: they want to really change an area of life that has been deeply emotionally challenging, evoking lots of fear, self-doubt, personal limits etc.

What can often happen is that the new advice, new skills, new ways of thinking, feeling, acting and believing are filtered THROUGH the old emotions, experiences, beliefs, etc

This means that people seldom consistently will act out the new skills from the right frame of mind. They will be fighting themselves, their old habits, tendencies, etc.

A metaphor I use is, if I give you a pair of glasses dipped in dog doo-doo, EVERYTHING WILL LOOK BROWN.

That is why methods that assist in building clear, unfettered awarness can help us keep old responses, beliefs, behaviors, choices at bay and “in the freezer” LONG enough for new ways to take hold, and long enough for us to move up new learning curves because we can see the new skills, beliefs, responses THROUGH CLEAR EYES.

This is doubly necessary when the new ways are very different from the old ways and require major shifts.

Remember, the further something stands from how you are used to acting, thinking, feeling and believing, the greater the chance for HUGE leaps. Also, the greater the chance for old ways to leap back up, unless you have a practice and discipline to deal with them.

I’ll say that again: practice and discipline. Onward… Anything you do to bring your habitual patterns into your awareness(without anger, fear or reaction) is useful.

This is why I am challenging you to go from one extreme to another and to pay attention to flows of feeling that trigger all of it; the awareness of feeling flow is key to knowing when you are slipping into old patterns of behavior and is also key to designing in NEW ones!

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. While you’re getting yourself off the “single and lonely” auto-pilot that’s holding you back, get ON the auto-pilot that gets you easily, quickly and enjoyably meeting even the hottest, women, anytime, anywhere and never being stuck for what to say.  This course is just ONE of the SEVERAL bonuses you’ll find inside the Speed Seduction® Secret Training Collection.  Click here to “crack open” the vault, right now!

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

In this video clip, taken directly from our April 2011 London seminar, I explain why your “motivation strategy” might be one of the biggest things holding you back from your success with women:

perpetualmentalmasturbatorsmaller-desktop.m4v

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. The next stop on the Speed Seduction® 2011 world tour is in Chicago, and it’s in just 15 days.  The room is filling up fast – don’t miss this.  Click here to sign up now (and see our other cities if you can’t make Chicago).

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

In my last blog post, I explained the reasons why women put men through B.S. tests.

So, moving right ahead, today I will share some powerful techniques to not only “pass” these tests but rather, completely overcome them and turn things to your advantage.

So, let’s delve into…

How To Handle It….Dealing From A Position Of Strength

To get back to street fighting analogies, there’s a concept from Jeet Kun Do, the fighting style of the late, great Bruce Lee that basically says that any weapon thrust your way, as part of an attack is just a convenient target to be destroyed. Coming from this perspective, an attack, rather than something to be feared, is just an unprecedented opportunity to…. KICK THE OTHER GUY’S ASS!!!!

Just so, a woman’s bullshit and tests are great opportunities to establish respect and dramatically increase her interest in you. In other words, your response to these tests, instead of being, “Oh no.…why is she doing this? What did I do wrong?”, from now on will be….

AH, HAH! A RESPECT OPPORTUNITY!!!

Look: your attitude has to be that every rude piece of behavior, every silly test of hers is just an unprecedented opportunity for you to establish respect, increase her interest, and intensify her desire to please you.

Taken from this perspective, you’ll be mentally prepared, and may even find yourself actually looking forward to her trying to pull shit, since you know it’s your chance to get her really hot for you!!!!

Now let me add one other thing: when you do put her in her place…

IT’S GOT TO COME FROM THE RIGHT PLACE IN YOU!!!

In other words, the macho idiot who loses control and trashes the place when his girlfriend comes home ten minutes late is definitely not the example to follow. All he’s doing is showing he can’t control himself and he just earns the woman’s contempt.

Notice I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t get a little pissed. Just don’t go nutso with a stream of obscenities. (Streams of obscenities are for afterwards, when you are in bed with her.)

The other thing that doesn’t work is acting like a hurt little boy. Whining stuff like, “How could you do this to me?” or, “But you promised!” won’t cut it, good buddy. No. You have to come from the calm, but firm “take it or leave it” position. This is all part of displaying the critically important………

WILLINGNESS TO WALK AWAY FROM HER!!!

You see, after years of experience and study, I’ve come to the conclusion that a woman can only experience real passion for you if on some level she believes she could do something to lose you!

Understand that when you show this willingness to walk away, in any area of your life, it conveys the message that you are the prize to be pursued, that you are the person of value, and they had better take advantage of the opportunity.

This is an attitude that will move you forward in any area that’s challenging you.

By way of contrast, if you show a non-stop, forever and ever devotion to her, and put up with her crap and ambivalence, then where is that tension of knowing she could lose you? Answer: nowhere!

And that’s why you get nowhere when you put up with this kind of stuff! If you’ve seen an initially hot relationship grow ice-cold, this is one big reason!!!

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Ready to stop wasting your time and money HOPING that if you “pass the test” that women will like you and sleep with you?  Your golden ticket to success is waiting for you when you explore Speed Seduction® 3.0.

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

There’s a common saying in street fighting that 95% of all real fights wind up in a clinch and go to the ground. Could that really be true? Frankly, I don’t know. But I will say this: 95% of the time, a woman will test you by the second meet, or sooner, to see:

1. If you’ll take her bullshit.
2. How hungry you are for her attention (remember: those who look hungry, never get fed)
3. Just how much control she can exert over you and/or the relationship.

You CAN pass those tests – and do some testing of your own. Believe me, this is important.

If you’ve ever been dumped for being “too nice”, or have been told, time and again, “let’s just be friends”, it’s because you haven’t learned to recognize when you’re being tested or just haven’t yet learned how to properly respond.

You thought you would get points for being “co-operative” and “helpful”, and instead you just got the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

Why She Tests You: The Search For Strength And Certainty

Look: one of the primary things that women are looking for from a man is security; the feeling that someone is stronger than they are. When you put a woman in her place, when you set rules and boundaries for her to follow, it lets her know she can relax around you and feel comfortable and secure.

This search for strength is the single most important reason why she tests you.

The other factor is ambivalence, or what I call the “make up my mind for me” syndrome. You see, often a woman just isn’t that interested in you one way or another. Maybe you aren’t exactly the physical type she goes for, maybe she just got burned in a bad relationship, or there’s some unseen competitor who she’s waiting to hear from.

Whatever her reasons, you can tell this is happening when you hear something like, “Uh…well, I’d like to go out with you Friday, but why don’t you call me late Friday afternoon and I’ll let you know for sure?”

Finally, there is the fact that sometimes, modern women just get overwhelmed with eighty billion things they are trying to do at once. And, when overwhelmed, they flake on commitments that occur during the peak of the overwhelm.

Now, stay with me… in my next post I will show you just how to handle it.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Every situation is different, as you can see there are as many reasons for a woman to give you a B.S. test as there are B.S. tests.  The best way to learn to overcome these – and other – girl-getting challenges is to learn from those who have mastered them already.  You’ll find lots of this in the 120+ videos of the Speed Seduction® Secret Training Collection.  Click here to get instant, lifetime access right now.

Dear Speed Seduction® Students And Fans,

Let’s say you’re out and about and walk-up to a hottie and really hit it off.  Or, you’re at a party and your host’s best friend is an HB10++++ and she smiles just right while hanging on your every word.

For s$%@s and giggles, maybe you’re online and chat with a woman, seeing her on “cam” verifies she actually IS hot, and she’s just so flirty and cute and 10 minutes from you and agreeing to meet you, in the succulent flesh, firm booty and huge tits and all, for coffee the next day.

All of these scenarios make you feel good.  Hey, nothing suck-seeds like suck-sess, and few things crank up the dial on a sunny day like a beautiful woman’s smile when it’s meant for you.

Problem, though.

You start to feel a new state coming on…then it erupts within you like a volcano.  Next thing, you associate her sexy eyes and twinkling smile and the way she says “babe” in her awww-shucks way…

… and are consumed by RAGING LUST, DESIRE, AND HORNINESS that obliterates any and all other feelings or senses.

Clearly, this is NOT a good state to come from when approaching women.  You end up getting invested in the result of bedding HER (rather than “interested in the woman” and “invested in sharpening your skills”) but, nevertheless, there it is.  BAM.  Your girl-getting game and experience goes out the window and it’s a very, very short ride to AFC-Ville.

How Do You Put Carnal Desire In Its Place So You Get Her Back To YOUR Place?

You realize it.  You need to get yourself into a calm, centered, powerful, playful, exploratory place, or the only good those desires will do you will be to give Jimmy a fighting chance in the hand-to-hand wrestling match you’ll have in about an hour while thinking about her.

Yet at the same time, you want to USE and CHANNEL that energy that arises from this “desire states” to HELP you get the results you want.

Here’s a quick exercise you can do, at that moment, to get these desires working FOR you, instead of just working you.  (NOTE: this requires a certain level of self-awareness and if that’s an area where you need changework, you want to check out Nail Your Inner Game).

1. Ground into your feet. Bend your knees slightly and feel your feet pressing into your shoes and the ground pressing back up through your shoes/feet
2. Tune into the lustful feelings and see if you can find the edge or border where they fade out into almost disappearing. Then hold your attention on the very border/edge of the feelings, just before they disappear. That will help.

Think about it.  Your mind full of raging lust, desire, and horniness…. or HER full of raging lust, desire, and horniness as she presses her succulent body, firm booty and huge tits and all, up against you?

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Understanding how to fit all of your thoughts, actions, responses and ideas with women into the right frame – the frame of NEVER supplicating, begging or “asking”, but instead, offering challenges, structuring opportunities and eliciting/evoking processes is the single most important key to getting at least three to four times more women.  Learn more about this right here.

Dear Speed Seduction Students And Fans,

One of the most exhausted (I won’t even say tired – I’ll say dead BEAT) cliches out there is “Nice guys finish last.”

A similar one, which really emphasizes the whole idea of beat, is “Nice guys finish in their hand.”

As a result, many guys end up blowing it by swinging the pendulum way too far in the opposite direction.  In their attempts to be dominant with women (one of the 4 main vibes), they’ll actually come off as pushy, arrogant jerks.

Yet, oftentimes they say, some women like jerks.  Usually “they” say this in desper-ation, exasper-ation, and other -ations that usually end in masturb-ation. Notice when you spell it like that, masturb-ation, how disturbing it is?  Disturb vs. masturb.  Too similar.  This phonetic similarly freaks me out.

As in, “She’s always falling for these guys who break her heart and treat her like crap, yet she won’t give me the time of day!  I know how to treat a woman, I’m so much better than those losers!”

(Losers, you say?  They’re banging her and you’re not.)

Why Being Either “Dominant” Or A “Nice Guy”
Beats Down Your Girl-Getting Game

Let’s focus, for the sake of this discussion, on defining “dominant” as “commanding.”

A person can be commanding in their self-awareness and presence without saying a word. It just depends, and it isn’t one or the other.  You can be commanding AND fun/friendly. You can be commanding silently.  You can inquire about another person/show understanding and be commanding in the way you do it. Etc. etc.

I would advise that you not only think of it as only being a SEQUENTIAL thing, one after the other, but still separate. True, sometimes it works that way.  But it can also be about these various forms of “commanding” being mixed, presented simultaneously.

As I said, many guys put WAY too much emphasis on being dominant and go overboard to appear “commanding.”  When this happens, usually it’s done from fear of losing control. Ultimately, that’s another form of supplication and neediness.  In other words, by going out of your way to NOT be an Average Frustrated Chump (AFC), you actually become one of the most unbearable forms of this very creature.

I’m going to have more on this and related topics over the next few days.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. When you properly exude the right mixture of being dominant, intriguing, and inviting, even when you are becoming commanding, it will seem like you are having an innocent, normal conversation! That beats just about everything, including a poke in the eye.  Click here for even more command over your girl-getting game.

Dear Speed Seduction® Students and Fans,

In a recent edition of Steaming Hot Seduction Secrets, I covered the “ABC Principle” and why EVERYTHING you do in your approach to women is part of the “close” that gets you the results you aim for.

Closing is not about “kissing” or “petting” or even intercourse. It’s about none of these specific actions or events. It’s a continuum of making her progressively more comfortable with contact, physical intimacy, and touch.

Touch of any kind builds comfort AND arousal, at the same time, if done properly. But now…

Let’s Get Into This “Kissing Issue”: When Do You Plant One On Her?

What I would NOT do is leave the “kissing” for the typical “dating” times: at the “end of the evening” or when you get her back to your place, or other baseless nonsense like that.

Test for readiness and kiss as soon as she displays any non-verbal cues that she’s ready: giving you the “doggy bowl dinner look” where she looks back and forth from one eye to the other, staring at you dreamy eyed, tilting her face to one side, etc.

Also, it is just NOT a “deal killer” if she isn’t ready to kiss the first time you lean in. No big. Maybe she just isn’t ready.

I don’t think kissing is really that “aggressive”. Really, unless she’s a prostitute and you are a customer, it shouldn’t be that big a deal. Kissing is a sign of comfort and wanting more connection as well as a sign of arousal and a way to build arousal.

What’s the big deal, really? As long as you aren’t slobbering and jamming your tongue down her throat, kissing isn’t an automatic gate way to her nu-nu, nor does her initial refusal or reluctance mean her nu-nu gate way is closed.

Bottom line: go for it. IF she stops you, she stops you. Let HER decide once YOU have gone into action, and stop trying to figure it out in advance whether she will stop you or not. In these kinds of cases you really can’t tell and you will more often than not be seriously and pleasantly surprised.

Stop giving it so much meaning and she will too.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Looking for the excellent girl-getting teaching that gets you success with a string of steaming hotties to swap saliva with? Look no further.

You’ll find lots of kiss-worthy seduction teaching in Speed Seduction® 3.0. Next thing you know, people will see you walk by and say “There goes that kissing bandit, off to meet another hottie I bet!”

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE

Dear Speed Seduction® Students and Fans,

In a recent edition of Steaming Hot Seduction Secrets, I covered the “ABC Principle” and why EVERYTHING you do in your approach to women is part of the “close” that gets you the results you aim for.

Closing is not about “kissing” or “petting” or even intercourse. It’s about none of these specific actions or events. It’s a continuum of making her progressively more comfortable with contact, physical intimacy, and touch.

Touch of any kind builds comfort AND arousal, at the same time, if done properly. But now…

Let’s Get Into This “Kissing Issue”: When Do You Plant One On Her?

What I would NOT do is leave the “kissing” for the typical “dating” times: at the “end of the evening” or when you get her back to your place, or other baseless nonsense like that.

Test for readiness and kiss as soon as she displays any non-verbal cues that she’s ready: giving you the “doggy bowl dinner look” where she looks back and forth from one eye to the other, staring at you dreamy eyed, tilting her face to one side, etc.

Also, it is just NOT a “deal killer” if she isn’t ready to kiss the first time you lean in. No big. Maybe she just isn’t ready.

I don’t think kissing is really that “aggressive”. Really, unless she’s a prostitute and you are a customer, it shouldn’t be that big a deal. Kissing is a sign of comfort and wanting more connection as well as a sign of arousal and a way to build arousal.

What’s the big deal, really? As long as you aren’t slobbering and jamming your tongue down her throat, kissing isn’t an automatic gate way to her nu-nu, nor does her initial refusal or reluctance mean her nu-nu gate way is closed.

Bottom line: go for it. IF she stops you, she stops you. Let HER decide once YOU have gone into action, and stop trying to figure it out in advance whether she will stop you or not. In these kinds of cases you really can’t tell and you will more often than not be seriously and pleasantly surprised.

Stop giving it so much meaning and she will too.

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. Looking for the excellent girl-getting teaching that gets you success with a string of steaming hotties to swap saliva with? Look no further.

You’ll find lots of kiss-worthy seduction teaching in Speed Seduction® 3.0. Next thing you know, people will see you walk by and say “There goes that kissing bandit, off to meet another hottie I bet!”

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE

Dear Speed Seduction® Student,

Ever had it happen where for some reason, you just can’t stop thinking about a particular chick?

Like, you spend hours visioning what your next meeting (or even phone call) will be like, exactly what you’re going to say?

Then, you find yourself agonizing over the right time of day you should call her? Suddenly worried that she might see what you put on your Facebook wall and fretting that she might interpret your status a certain way (that keeps your willy dry)?

Normally I ask, when I get questions like this I ask, first, foremost, uppermost, and important-most,

Is she the ONLY succulent, amazing woman
on the whole freaking planet???

However. in this case I think you realize that she isn’t. It’s just that there’s something inside of you keeping you fixated on this one chick.

First, you’re probably placing too much importance on this one chick. Have you f@@ked her yet? (It’s a yes or no question; either your Junior Explorer has explored her woman cave, or it hasn’t.)

Next, define “importance”. Importance as in sexually wanting her, or importance is in her being someone you connect with on an emotional/caring level?

I’d be VERY careful about connecting too strongly with women, emotionally, unless you are well into f@@king them. Most guys underestimate their need to care for someone and emotionally connect with.

A lot of times guys find their “stuckness” can be exacerbated by being confused by that woman’s emotional 180s, fluctuations between wanting you and pushing you away, contradictory signals, sudden loss of interest and other deeply frustrating and seemingly (to you) irrational actions. Sound familiar?

Sometimes I feel I stand at the fulcrum between two things: the living wall of fire that it is my lust and the flood of water that is my compassion and my need to connect and care. Can make things at times confusing, yes?

Peace and piece,
RJ

P.S. RIGHT NOW is the time to leave all that behind, to get “unstuck,” and instead gain a comprehensive understanding of women that helps you put it all perspective.

All of this (and more) is in my Speed Seduction® 3.0 Course.

CLICK HERE NOW!